Up and Old

A long time ago, my family isn't doing very well. My parents came to a point that they would have to go their separate ways, but they didn't because of us, their children.

Every family in this world is given a problem to solve; to test their bond, to challenge their faith and to see how far they would go given a certain scenario. I mean, that's just normal, right? That's what I felt some time ago when my parents were not on good terms. It really affected me, being the eldest and the only one who probably understand what's really going on at that time. But I can't help but not speak. I don't know why, but I just can't blurt out what I feel. I'm not very good with communicating with my parents profoundly, I mean, it scares me and I don't even know why.

Now I do believe that knowing a lot while growing up is one heck of a challenge, well at least for me, because you're given such responsibilities that would drive you crazy. You can't just sit around not caring about what's happening. You have to take a stand about all things, you have to know what's conventionally right and wrong and deciding what you're going to do with it. You are expected to interact with your environment. I don't even know if I'm making any sense, but that's just how I feel while growing up.

There are certain decisions and things in your life where you have to consider not only yourself but also the people around you. That's what my parents did when they were arguing for over a long period of time. They've set themselves aside because they have responsibilities and obligations, which is us, their children. They cannot just make impulsive decisions which might lead to a much worse case. I'm glad they stayed together, and now things are better. I'm really glad.

You see, that's what I'm afraid of. Growing up and taking the biggest responsibilities in my life. I'm scared because I don't know if I am ready to face such things or worse, if I'm capable of solving them. But what the hell, there are still plenty of rooms for me to grow. I want and don't want to grow up, it seems to me like it's exciting and nerve-wrecking at the same time. Growing old is a different thing, it's inevitable. But growing up, I think, is earned. So I better take chances in my life and see if I'd grow up.

I rarely talk to my parents about this, but I'm really happy that we are still a family. Even stronger now. They don't know it, but I'm really thankful that I have them in my life. I can't imagine myself if they're not around. I'm a huge slacker, I need them. lol :p